2 Corinthians 5:21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

If that verse doesn’t get you so excited on the inside that you want to jump or dance or shout, then you might not fully understand grace.

This is an excerpt of an email I wrote a friend a few years ago where I was relating a dream I’d had and the effect it had on me:

“Another strange thing that I know was in the first email I sent you is that my middle name means Grace. Whenever I think about that it makes me uncomfortable because I don’t feel like I understand God’s grace in a tangible way outside of just the line that you hear all the time “mercy is that Jesus got what we deserved and grace is that we get what He deserved.” You know how there is talk in the Bible about God giving us new names? I want a new name so badly, but I’ve told Him a few times that I don’t want it to be Grace because it doesn’t seem to fit. I can’t even really understand why I feel that way but I know I start to tear up every time I think about it. Grace feels like something that doesn’t belong to me and I feel almost resistant to having any part of it, which I know makes no sense because I’m a Christian saved by grace.”

I read that and it brings to mind a person I’ve almost forgotten. This one was written about a year later to the same friend. The “we” I’m referring to is my husband and me:

“I feel like we haven’t had much time in the past year where we’ve both felt very free, but on the way more positive side God has shown us so much about grace. I get so excited about everything I’ve learned. I preach imaginary sermons to people at night when I’m supposed to be sleeping, and then get myself so excited I can’t stop.

I remember telling you that I didn’t understand grace and felt like I didn’t want anything to do with it because I just didn’t get it and everything I understood about grace made me feel guilty and unworthy, but everything is totally changing with that. I don’t feel guilty anymore. I know I’m unworthy but that God loves and accepts me and only ever sees me as righteous because the fullness of the punishment for my sin was paid by Jesus on the cross. I know He sees me as righteous because I’m clothed with Jesus’ righteousness. I know He’s not disappointed in me when I mess up and that every sin I ever have committed and will commit has been paid for.”

The girl in writing the first email was miserable inside because she always felt like there was something about Christianity that she was missing. She knew and believed in God fully, but she didn’t understand grace. All she really knew was that no matter how hard she tried she could never be good enough. She also knew that the life she was experiencing bore no resemblance to the abundant and free one described in the Bible, but was powerless to do anything about that. She correctly figured out that it had something to do with a misunderstanding of grace but that didn’t get her anywhere, that is until God brought her revelation.

It didn’t come quickly or dramatically. It was like watching a flower bloom, and she became the girl in the second email.

Now she’s me. My knowledge of grace is by no means complete, but it’s real and lasting and my continuing obsession. Grace is life. It’s the air I breathe. Grace reveals God’s love to me and keeps my eyes fixed on Him. I will never stop thanking God for opening my eyes.